All animals are created equal… but some animals are more equal than others. George Orwell first alluded to the inequalities between the species in his anti-communist satire, animal farm, but even though it was a work of fiction he couldn’t have been more accurate because we do indeed treat animals differently from one another. We love some animals, we protect them, we raise them, we even invited them into our homes and others we spend millions ensuring their painful extermination.
I don’t know who does the Public Relations or PR for animals, but it seems that they’re doing a rather biased job, because some animals seem to be receiving really great PR while others aren’t. No matter what some animals do we still love them and then there are some animals that no matter what the do we can’t stand them. They could find out that snake bites cure cancer and we’d still be like aaaah! A snake! Kill it with fire! Then stab it and kill it again!
Take for example the Hippo. People love that guy. It doesn’t matter that more people get killed by hippos than crocodiles. People love Hippos and hate crocs. Especially their ugly shoes!
We all love hungry hungry hippos! We all want to give them a Chomp bar.
In fact the only thing that people hate about hippos is that stupid animated one that tries to sell you insurance by butchering 80’s pop songs.
Bees are another one… little stripy suicide bombers, killing more people every year than sharks, but everybody loves them. Busy little bees, you always see them in children’s books and kids shows (which I only watch for research not because I enjoy them). Anyway the bees are always these happy, busy little guys instead being depicted like they should be as mindless zombie terrorists brainwashed and controlled by the evil Queen.
What about mosquitos? They have terrible PR, okay that’s because mosquitos are completely evil! They can literally go straight back to hell. It’s not even the blood sucking I mind – I would quite thankfully setup an IV drip with a sign saying “Free Blood” but it’s the buzzing. Because they like to taunt you. No they won’t just bite your toe and be off. first they need to buzz past your face and whisper “I’m gonna stab you and drink your blood….
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”. Those sadistic little psychopaths are like school yard bullies they love playing that game “stop hitting yourself”. They’ll fly past and land on your face. Waiting for you to try and seize the opportunity to squash them, but you only end up slapping yourself as you hear him fly off going “hehehehehehehe”
What I want to know is who decides which animals are evil and which are good?
Lions good; Sharks evil; Elephants good, spiders evil.
A lion would rip your face off the minute if it got the chance and what’s worse it lives where you live… on the land. Sharks on the other hand are pretty damn easy to avoid. Never go in the ocean and you’ll never be attacked by a shark well until a giant tornado picks up a bunch of sharks and transports them onto land – like that’ll ever happen!
The hypocrisy is ridiculous, take the Rhino for example, its getting poached to the point that its going extinct and everyone is going nuts about it because it has good PR, but if all of a sudden some sort of evil snake or spider goes extinct everyone is all like “Whoo hoo we did it we killed that evil creature!” You don’t see people putting plastic spider legs on their cars to support anti-spider killing initiatives.
Imagine you come home and you’ve left some cake on the kitchen counter and its now covered in ants. The whole kitchen is literally crawling with ants. What do you do? I know what you’d do, because its what any of us would do. We’d blame someone for leaving the cake out. No, besides that! We’d get out the poison and blast those little creeps to kingdom come. Now imagine for a moment, you came home and you realised that you’d left the same cake on the kitchen corner, but now instead of ants it was swarming – literally covered – in puppies! Would you still get out the poison? Of course not! You have cake and puppies! It would look like a Hallmark card come to life. You add a sign saying “SHOW SALE 50% OFF” and you’ve just created the World’s most powerful pussy-magnet.
Let’s not even start with which animals we love and others we love to eat. Aaw its lassie! How can Asians eat a dog?! They’re so cute and friendly. Aaaw look its Babe, the pig he’s so cute and DELICIOUS!!!!
Who makes the decisions? Who decides if animals are good or evil? Is there some kind of committee that decides these things?
Do they have like a checklist to determine its evilness?
What’s this one have? Poison? Evil
What does this one do? It eats grass and turns it into steak and milkshakes. Well, I do hate mowing the lawn, so lets say “GOOD”
How many legs does it have? 1,2,3,4,5,6. Okay its good. No wait. 7, 8. 8 legs! No! Its evil BURN IT!!!! Kill it with FIRE!!!!
I think they basically decide based on Disney and Pixar movies. Are lions evil? Nah they’re good like in the lion king and Narnia? And Hyena’s? they’re evil – also from Lion king. Electric eels? Depends. Flintstones? – Good. Little Mermaid? – evil
How about this one… it can fly and swim. Hmmm possibly evil
Produces poison. – Hmmm pretty evil
Known to abandon its young. – definitely evil
Has killed more humans than any other animal. Oh my this thing is the most evil creature ever?
What is it? HUMANS!
Ironic! Lesson! Message!
So be careful before you judge an animal as good or evil. Little do we know some alien race is watching us to see who is really the most evil creature on Earth.