I Hate Date Movies

Posted: June 30, 2011 in comedy
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I’m in a relationship which means a few things… thankfully sex is on tap, but it comes with a few duties. One of which is an inordinate amount of DVD renting. If you rent a lot of DVD’s and you’re not in a relationship, then you either work for Blockbuster or Mr Video or you’re a sad loner; either way… get a life.

Now I don’t really have a problem with watching DVD’s, especially if I can’t find the movie for free on the internet or amongst my favourite car boots vendors. My problem is what movies one has to watch when you’re in a relationship. Personally I like horror movies. Movies like Aliens or Predator or basically anything where Paris Hilton gets butchered.

Now my girlfriend likes “chick flicks” (understandably I guess) and this genre can be defined by the movie being about 4 hours long, having zero nudity and… a fashion montage! Worst of all… no Paris Hilton butchering. 

When watching these movies be sure to cry at the right times, like when the hero dies or when the blind girl can’t read the love letter from the now martyred hero. Crying due to the torturous length or from laughter at the script will get you in even more trouble. Trust me

Also be sure to answer any questions that come after the movie, (and trust me they WILL), with responses like “I’d never leave you, I’ll love you forever”, “Yes love, she’s attractive, but in an ugly kind of way” or “She’s not my type”.

Thankfully most date night DVD’s aren’t chick flicks, but then again they don’t involve any vampires, aliens or Hilton mutilating either.  Most date movies fall into a genre called RomComs, or Romantic Comedies. If you thought “date movies” include “2012”, “Born on the 4th of July” or “Friday the 13th” then congratulations…you’re an idiot. One has to be very careful when picking a RomCom as many are just “chick flicks” in disguise, but on the plus side just as many RomComs are actually porno’s in disguise. Either way it’s gonna be an awkward Date Night.

Next time we discuss the formula of the worst genre of date movies… RomComs.

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