With so much status abuse happening on facebook you’d think someone would step in and do something about it. Next one between my crosshairs…
5) Passive Aggressive Prima Donna
Perhaps the worst of these status abusers is the passive aggressive statement to the world at large. Something like “Don’t you love it when people make you feel good about your weight”, supersaturated with sarcasm to the point that it is literally dripping out the pores. Not that I should complain about sarcasm. Heck, I’ve reached a level of sarcasm beyond mortal comprehension. I call it supersasm and its so highly developed that sometimes even I don’t know if I’m being sarcastic – it really is a gift. But enough about me and my impeccable narcissism, we’re talking about prima donnas and their statements to the world at large, except everyone knows that its directed at someone in particular and more importantly that person is normally a facebook friend who probably should be deleted, but you keep so you can check if they’re saying anything mean about you.
Here’s my favourite response to statements like these, especially if they have been indirectly focussed on me… I click “like”. Passive-aggressive is as passive-aggressive does (whatever the hell that means).
6) Lovely Dovey
This may be the challenger for the absolute worst form of status abuse. The update that is saccharin and honey coated that it could induce a sugar coma (if it weren’t for the fact that your body’s natural defence mechanisms will cause you to throw up). I’m scared to even paraphrase let alone quote verbatim one such update but here it goes (have some insulin ready).
“Hey sweetie pie lovie bunch shnookles…” okay okay I give up! I couldn’t finish it, was starting to black out. The fact is we get it you’re madly in love and want your significant other to know, but really do you need to message them on their wall or in your status for all the world to witness? No, no you don’t. Keep it to yourself and save the world from adult onset diabetes.
For the above reasons and more I have decided to switch to twitter. Before you get all wise and wonder why I hate facebook status updates when twitter is essentially just status updates, hear me out. The difference is… I don’t have to listen to you just because you listen to me. It’s not a two way street. On facebook, I have to hear your rampant status abuse as much as you have to listen to mine because we’re “friends” and that’s what “friends” do. While on twitter all I have to do is unfollow and we can pretend to be “friends” in the real world.
Rant over… for now.
Totally Awesome Name 