Posts Tagged ‘career’

Many people believe that in order to “make it” in the corporate rat race you have to possess certain essential skills that without which you cannot hope to survive: skills such as mathematics, computer literacy and good language skills. Other skills get sidelined as unnecessary, superfluous and extraneous (the extra adjectives are redundant I just wanted to show how gooder my language skills is). How often are we told that it is a waste to study subjects like Art or Music at school? How is that going to help us become a corporate banker? Probably the first subject on the chopping block is that of Drama.

However, having never studied Drama, because my school never offered it (and if it had, it was the type of school where studying such a subject would have resulted in getting the living snot kicked out of you) I can tell you that it is a skill I wish I possessed.

For there are times at work when the skills of the dramatically inclined are in great demand, for feigning interest for 8 hours a day, for pretending to find the boss’s jokes funny and not least of all making convincing “phoning in sick” calls.

We all know the feeling when we just need a day off, but don’t have the leave and all it will take to avoid the stress and boredom of another soul destroying day in the office is one simple phone call to the boss to say you’re not well. All of a sudden the skills of the dramatist become far more important than numeracy skills, a Microsoft Excel certification or snappy Powerpoint presentation abilities. This is pure, raw acting for survival.

It requires just the right amount of volume control, making your audience believe that every breath let alone every word is a struggle requiring every ounce of your concentration. The word to cough/splutter ratio is also important. Too few coughs and you don’t sound all that sick, but too many and you sound as if you’re faking it – this is acting on a knife’s edge.

There are a few easy ways out that the non actors amongst us have developed to try get around our obvious shortcomings and to avoid too much interrogation by our bosses: conditions such as “gastro”, “food poisoning” or the all too common, yet all medically undocumented, “24 hour flu”.

We feel like these ailments are too personal or disgusting for reproach, like the gender neutral equivalent to the “get out of jail (work) card” of “women’s problems”. A veritable “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation, if ever I’ve seen one. Men have been stuck without a gender specific truancy alibi because unfortunately “Men’s problems” such as “depressed about the soccer result” or “hung over” didn’t appear to be dire enough and so because most men, having been deprived of the opportunity to study drama, have resorted to these easy outs rather than applying themselves to more enterprising ailments.

However the overuse of these alibis has caused them to become synonymous with bunking and the shirking of work rather than the concern for health of one’s fellow employees (which is why we take sick days is it not?)

So I suppose the point is, let you children study drama and maybe attend a few adult classes yourself if you really want to get ahead in life. Failing, which just study really hard and become a doctor so you can write your own doctor’s notes.

Or at the very least become close friends with a doctor who could write you sick notes in times of need or a few undated ones – the blank cheque of time off. Just make sure he’s a medical doctor and not a psychiatrist. There is something a little disconcerting when you boss receives a sick note from your psychiatrist saying “Gareth is unwell and not suitable for work”


Sure being a Hobo sounds like the life for me, but what type of Hobo should I be?

WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF HOBOS?
The career path of the professional hobo has several exciting directions to take as there are several different types of hobo. I’ve noticed recently a lot more Hobos on the streets these days and they seem to have a lot more skills than the Hobo’s of yesteryear. The modern hobo can fall it to several different classes or genus’s of the family Hobus Humanus.

Cardboard Sign Guy
There is of course your traditional Hobo Prototype or “cardboard cut out – hobo” who usually stands at traffic intersections with a cardboard sign stating his plight. There are obviously some variations to the Cardboard sign including the humourous message like “Need money to conduct alcohol experiment in the name of science” or downright absurd like “Zombies took my job, need money for chainsaw”.

What I have noticed is the vast improvement in spelling of these signs which must be a correlation to the lack of employment opportunities for English Literature Graduates.

Musician/Dancer
The Muso/Dancer Hobo is quite an interesting variation of the common hobo as it is more often a failed music career that results in turning to Hobology rather than a decision to become a career hobo.

One of the most frequent and unresolved debates amongst Muso Hobo’s (often referred to as Buskers or MoBo’s) is whether to actually play one’s instrument well. Many are of the belief that true mastery of the instrument will result in donations out of sheer entertainment and astonishment due to the vast talent on display, while others believe that by truly butchering even the simplest songs on an out of tune, rusty instrument will result in far more money out of pity, sorrow or as a bribe to stop playing immediately.

A similar debate is taking place amongst those dancing hobo’s who are undecided as to whether dancing elegantly and rhythmically is likely to get more donations than stumbling around drunk and periodically shouting HEY MACARENA!

Tired of boring brown cardboard signs written in tired black ink? Well then enrol in our creative sign writing/graphic design course. You will be instructed by some of the best graphic design students in the world, all of whom had lost their previous jobs thanks to the internet and photoshop.

Tired of hearing the same old story about how some guy lost his job and has to look after 7 dwarves and some pale brunette? Then be sure to enrol in our world class creative sob story writing course. Learn the art of truly compelling story telling to turn you from a NoBo into a SHOW-BO!

Get private instruction from some of the best screenplay writers in the world, none of whom have managed to find employment outside of hoboism, but have contributed to Hobo Culture and representation in modern society with remakes of famous movies such as “Hobo-Cop 1-3”; “Lord of the Bins: the quest of Hobo Baggins” and everyone’s favourite Bandana wearing Sylvester Stallone Movie – HOBO starring an out of work Sly Stallone as John Hobo.

Are you an out of work Theology Major? Then don’t fear you’ll fit right in, in our newly constructed “Crazy Joe Amphitheatre” dedicated to the study of Theology, Philosophy and Drug Research. Sure it looks a pile of wet card board and newspapers and it smells like dead animals… but “why?”

Of course the sciences can’t be left out… Learn how to spot good garbage from spoiled garbage; learn to make your own brew of famous Hobo Moonshine without going blind and manage to avoid scurvy despite the intake of almost no fresh fruit or vegetables… all this and more will be taught by Dr Sanjay, a former professional surgeon who was force to retire from medicine due to all the “politics” – that and about 17 malpractice lawsuits.

We are also on the forefront of Hobo Couture, with our Hobo University Institute of Fashion. Some of work can be seen throughout the streets of Paris, Milan and New York and where the first to come up with some memorable fashion masterpieces such as the fingerless gloves, the Carguard Reflector vest and of course the full length Paedo-Coat.

Despite its outstanding academic record Hobo University is not only about studying; a vibrant social atmosphere is a big part of what makes Hobo University the leading (if only) institute for the furtherance of Hoboism.

Take part in numerous cultural societies such as Hobo Puzzle Society that corrects Sudoku and Crossword puzzles in abandoned newspapers and magazines. Or try your hand at Rodent Husbandry or Cat Racing, where only the fittest pure bred strays are picked as ingredients for the Hobo Cooking Society’s annual Hobo Chilli Cook-off – an adventure for the taste buds as much as it is for the bowels.

And if sports is your thing, then you’ll definitely want to be a part of the Hobo University Stealers, three time winners of “the drunkest team” at the Prestigious “Hobies”, Hobology Awards ceremony.

We offer all your classic sports such as Hobo-Soccer, Hobo-Golf and Hobo-Rugby and some less traditional sports such as Hobo-Hockey and Hobo-Boxing and Greco-Hobo-Wrestling.

All this and more is waiting for you…

Upon leaving high school many students struggle to pick a meaningful career and often end up selecting study routes that don’t speak to the individual’s particular strengths… (Like jocks going into careers that involve counting higher than 20 without remove their shoes) or choosing careers based purely on their ill informed preconceptions of the career (like the amount of women who go into medicine after watching Grey’s Anatomy. )

There is however, a career path that utilises a student’s core skill set; a job that requires them to be drunk during work hours (and on the cheapest booze possible); a job that requires and benefits from poor personal hygiene and a job that allows you to meet all sorts of interesting people all while catching a tan.

I’m talking of course, about a career as a hobo.

This may not seem like an obvious career choice to non-hobo’s or “nobo’s” but the future is bright and exceptionally lucrative for the career hobo (plus let’s face it; many will end up here anyway. So why not fast track your career?) Don’t be a hobophobe! Just answer the following questions and you might find you’re a hobosapien after all.

BUT WHY GET INTO A HOBOISM?

Do you HATE the thought of wearing a suit and tie every day?
Do you HATE office politics?
Do you HATE waiting in line for the toilet?
Do you HATE shaving?
Do you HATE the commute to work?
Do you HATE paying taxes?
Do you HATE being sober at work (or ever)?

Then maybe it’s time for a change? Ask yourself…

Do you LIKE the outdoors?
Do you LIKE meeting new people?
Do you LIKE eating interesting new foods?
Do you LIKE recycling?
Do you LIKE being your own boss?
Do you LIKE drinking (all the time)

Perhaps a career as a professional Hobo is the right choice for you!

Why not enrol at the prestigious HOBO UNIVERSITY, which will teach you all you need to know-bo about being a Hobo.