Posts Tagged ‘commercials’

Damnit, I did it again! I promised myself I wouldn’t and yet for the umpteenth time here I am. I looked at my budget, I couldn’t afford to buy any new games and yet as the hype built around the “next best thing” I fell into the trap… again.

How many titles have I bought as a direct result of getting sucked into the hype machine? “Better graphics, unexpected story twists, new weapons, zombies with lasers, improved cover system, revolutionary new bla bla bla”, I fall for it every time.

OMG the new COD BlackCraft 2: God of Gears is coming out in 219 days! Pre-Order NOW… and I get a free key ring! Whoot! What? And an oversized T-shirt? WIN!

At this stage, if I don’t immediately pre-order the game due to a rare moment of lucidity, I will sit and ferment in my ever-maddening brew of insanity. Every forum will be abuzz with “strategically” leaked details about new features, speculation as to how the story will end; and purposefully vague press releases about how this game will “revolutionise” the way we see gaming.

And if I manage to get through this stage, as we get closer and closer to the launch or “what will surely be the greatest day of mankind”, the previews and hands-on demos will appear. Magazines and gaming websites will be filled with reviews about how this game “has everything”. “It will change your life, make you happy and even do your taxes”. At this point I am either rocking myself to sleep as consolation for the fact that I haven’t bought the “biggest thing in gaming since electricity”, or I have removed myself from all media that may inadvertently remind me that my life is going to remain a soulless void, unless I have this game.

Release day… today! And guess what?

Damnit, I did it again! I promised myself I wouldn’t and for the umpteenth time here I am again. Don’t get me wrong – when I first held the game in my hands I felt an immeasurable “oneness” with the Universe. For in that moment…there was nothing but pure bliss. I tore off the plastic covering and, shaking with anticipation, inserted the game ever so cautiously into my console.

After the mind blowing opening sequence of pre-rendered awesomnicity concluded, I was left with a weird sense of “that looked awesome” and yet “that made no sense”. It is at this point that a familiar little voice piped up from deep within me – the voice of bitter disappointment.

The game is buggy; the story is contrived; the game is essentially more of the same only rushed and is over far too soon, leaving a bitter taste in the mouth and emptiness in my soul and wallet that lingers long after it should.

The hype machine takes another casualty.

I go back to the forums to see if my feelings are shared and lo and behold, the former followers are all up in arms about how “fail” this game is. At least they would be if it weren’t for the fact that details about “WarCreed 7: Uncharted Warfare” are out and if I pre-order now I get a pencil sharpener!

And so the machine grinds on…

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In the past if a brand had a spokesperson, all that spokesperson would have to do is stand in front of a camera and say “Hi I’m David Beckham and I think Adidas make the best shoes” while a dump truck full of money backed down his driveway. Life was simple, you as the consumer knew that if you wanted to be as “cool” as Becks all you had to do was wear Adidas… done. Check that one off the bucket list.

Then it became that it was only a certain type of product that was endorsed because regular Adidas is for wannabe’s and if you really wannabe like David you had to have the new Super Omni-core-max XP75’s (product may not actually exist outside of my dreams), which were no different from the regular range except for his signature, different colour laces, oh and about 300 bucks.

Now advertisements will show him going for a swim on the beach; then partying with his mates (other celebrities and lingerie models) then all of a sudden the Adidas logo will appear with no mention of the guy’s name or anything to do with what made him famous or why you should by Adidas. I’m left thinking does Adidas sponsor beach swimming? Or Lingerie parties?

It’s getting so bad that half the time I don’t even know what is going on in the ad till the brand logo appears at the end. There will be scenes of fire ravaging a small village; then terrible images of war; these are then interrupted by a few fleeting seconds of a young couple embracing; then a short clip of a massive dance party; then some home footage of young children playing in the garden; tanks; wildlife; storms; ballet; a frog leaping; an ice cream; a bomb falls from a plane….MASSIVE EXPLOSION! 

The screen goes black and the product logo appears…

“Tampax”

Corporations have started sponsoring sports teams to the point that it doesn’t even matter where they’re from. Remember the Northern Transvaal Blue Bulls? Well they’re now the Vodacom Blue Bulls, yet they play against the Vodacom Cheetahs and formerly the Vodacom Stormers (who are now the DHL Stormers). I worry that one day sponsorship is going to get to the stage where corporations actually NAME players…

 “Vodacom Brian Habana passes to Klippies and Cola Danie Rousouw who passes to Maybeline Bismarck Du Plessis (maybe he’s born with it maybe it’s Maybeline)…who gets put into touch. And now the line out brought to you by Tippex.

Will it get to the stage that regular people could sell their names or rent out their names as ad space? Could you offer up your children’s names as permanent ad space? Like at their christening?  

“Name this child…” “Pepsi presents Sally Smith”

 As well as several other hilarious possibilities that I will have to leave to another blog since my “one page limit rule” is severely under threat (and yes I know I could change font size, but that would be cheating). So it is at this point I would like to offer this blog up for any sponsors that may be interested as well as to thank my parents for not giving me a middle name, which makes it a lot more convenient to sell the space…