Posts Tagged ‘new’

In this modern age of E-everything, one thing people haven’t taken enough cognisance is how much your email address tells about you. We are all taught about how to properly word emails; the correct etiquette (or netiquette – gag) for correspondence, but there isn’t enough mention about the address itself.

First of all, let’s all be honest for a second, if your “business” doesn’t have a .com or at the very least a, .org, or .net then we don’t really think you’re that successful. I’m really not too impressed by an events promoter who offers me his business card that says “” (particularly if they can’t even spell “awesome” correctly).

I know it’s snobbish, but it’s true. So if you’re a business owner, do yourself a favour and pay the meagre amount to register a domain name. I may never ever go to, but the fact that you were willing to pay money to register a misspelled domain address makes me think more of you, (before I thought you were an idiot, now I think you’re an idiot with cash to burn – perfect to do business with).

Now for most of us all we need is a basic email account so that we don’t have to use our work email for private usage, like personal correspondence, applying for other employment or for obligatory website competition entries that without fail will result in more spam than a Lady Gaga meat dress.

But please when you are signing up for a new email address think about what name you use. I once was involved in an interview for a position at work and as impressive as the one candidate’s CV was I struggled to look past the contact email address: (Domain name has been changed to protect the stupid)

I had to get a new email address the other day as had reached an absolutely critical level of spam. Clue; once the very generous UK Lottery or the beleaguered Nigerian Royal family find your email address its pretty much the beginning of the end for your account.

So I log onto and start filling in all my details, and ask for the highly relevant moniker “” (relevant in that my name is Gareth Woods and that I really like dots).

Unfortunately it seems that I am not the only Gareth Woods in the world … SHOCKING I KNOW! Either that or someone is just a big fan of the name because Google quite politely replied to my request with…

“Oops! It seems this name already exists.” Can we suggest the following…

Gareth.Woods.8321? Gazolopticor? Greg.Wilson?

Wow what a tough choice? I ended up going with the It’s a little weird when I give people my business card.

“Yeah that’s my cell 0832784594; that’s my fax number 031 5703644 and that’s my email address” Gareth.Woods was taken.

I even emailed Gareth.Woods to ask if maybe he wasn’t using it and I could borrow it, you know like on weekends or something. I got a response from a mister Graeme Wolf who said he was only using the address because his name was taken and Google had suggested Gareth.Woods.

Truly a vicious cycle.

Whatever your email address is, please just remember… to subscribe to this blog so your inbox can be filled with not just porn and viruses but my delirious ranting too.


The First Post

Posted: February 21, 2011 in comedy
Tags: , , , , , ,

So this is the first post of my new blog which is supposed to explain a) why I decided to even waste my time funnelling the nonsensical ramblings in my head onto electronic paper b) explain what the blog is going to be about, so that you, fair reader, are never surprised with what you may find, and c) come up with a totally awesome name that is clever, humorous and most importantly, not already taken.

So if that normative process is to be adhered to; here is maybe some insight into why I’m doing this. I am an aspiring comedian, writer and something else which would make a complete and stylistic list of three. All three of these aspirations (depending on what the “something else” ends up being) require practice and a space to be completely creative and free of censorship and pesky hindrances like “Sppell Tjekkas” (in your face funky Nazi red underline of spelling).

So this blog is hopefully going to be the require space for me to hone my comedic writing skills and perhaps even get some positive feedback from you, my esteemed reader. It is at this point, that I would like to clarify the distinction between positive feedback and mere criticism, which was made apparent to me after one of my stand up shows. You see positive feedback would be to say something like: “Gareth, during a show you should try and maintain eye contact with your audience” (fair advice I might add). Whereas mere criticism would be to say something like: “Gareth, during a show try and maintain eye contact with your audience, you stupid C**t”. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, my discerning reader, the difference is quite subtle.

So onto point b) “what this blog is going to be all about”. I must admit I have lied to you, my trusting reader, and perhaps even to myself; and while I am disappointed to have been dishonest with you within the boundaries of my very first page some credit must be given to coming clean with 346 words of writing (a new personal best – High 5 of truth). You see the lie or fib or massaging of the truth as it were, was to let you try and expect what this blog intends to be about, for you see not even I know. I would love to tell you that the blog will include amusing exerts from my daily struggle upon the mortal coil; furthermore, it would bring me great delight to inform you that each post would be whimsical romp through lands fantastic, but unfortunately I cannot. I cannot because I have no idea where this journey will take us, my adventurous reader. I have no map and even if I had my cartography skills leave much to be desired. So I urge you to abandon your compass into my subconscious; your GPS of my imagination or your Google Maps of my creativity (all three to be included in my collection of “Stylistic Writing of 2011”

And so finally we reach point C: the name. Requirements: “Totally Awesome” name that is clever, humorous and not already taken.

Let’s just say I wasn’t feeling very creative when it came the name… hope you enjoyed the journey though.

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