Posts Tagged ‘news’

Is that a warm front or are you just happy to see me?

This may come as a surprise to you, but I watch a lot of space movies, not because I’m a nerd or anything (I mean I AM a nerd, but that’s not the main reason). I watch them purely on a research basis (okay, that’s pretty nerdy). You see there are thousands of movies and television series about space and aliens and at least one of them must be correct in their depictions of aliens and other planets – a sort of “thousand monkeys” theory, if you will. So by knowing all the different rules at play I can increase my chance of survival.

So when we do eventually make contact with another sentient life form I’ll be able to tell which rules to follow. Are we talking the killer xenomorphs from “Aliens” or the cuddly Ewok aliens from “Star Wars” or heaven forbid the super disappointing aliens from “Contact” (worst aliens EVER) because knowing which rules to follow can mean the difference between survival and burning to death in acidic Ewok blood.

Regardless of which alien movie I’ve watched the one thing I’ve noticed to be true is that the weather and terrain on whatever strange planet you arrive on is uniform throughout the planet. You go to Hoth from Star Wars and the entire planet is frozen tundra. You go to Tatooine and its wall to wall perma-desert.  LV 426 from Aliens is an endless stormy wasteland.

Why is this? If aliens came to Earth and landed in the Himalayas they’d think the entire planet is a highly mountainous and snowy region, if they landed in the Amazon they’d think that it’s all just Jungle and monsoons and if they land in Mexico they’d think it’s all just sand and tequila.

This is why you never ever see weathermen in space movies because their jobs are completely redundant.

“Since you’re here on the Rain Forest planet expect lots of rain and jungle with brief periods of slightly less rain and jungle followed by extensive rainy jungle-ness and now sports.”

or

“Welcome ice planet Hoth news and now the weather… It’s going to be cold and now the sports”

or

“Welcome to planet Mexico weather… expect sand and tequila. Ole!”

 

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