Posts Tagged ‘parents’

Why you child rack a disciprine?

I’m getting to the stage where I’m thinking about possibly maybe having the inclination towards perhaps entertaining an idea of considering having kids, but the one thing that freaks me out about having children (besides the no sleep and changing nappies, of course) is the discipline issue.

I’m worried because disciplining children doesn’t seem to be as easy as it used to be. It used to be that if your kid even so much as looked at you funny and he was on his way to the small town of Assbeaton, population 1. It really was a golden age of corporal punishment and we thought it would never end. We thought as kids ourselves that although we might not be able to in act revenge against our parents and teachers that at least we would get even on the backsides of the next generation. I know what you’re thinking “dream parent”, right?

But now there’s no corporal punishment in schools and it’s frowned upon in most homes. I don’t see what’s so bad about it. It very quickly taught me to be scared of those bigger than me and that I could physically dominate anyone weaker than me that didn’t listen to me. The system works!

I used to get hidings all the way till I was about 13 when I made the mistake of laughing while my mother tried to give me a hiding. “Ooh nooo the pain! Oooooh nooooooo the agony!” That’s when we stopped getting hidings and the psychological punishment began removing privileges like a week of no Television or a week without being allowed outside or a week without food or water.

Now you have to negotiate with your kids and try to make them understand why they are being punished and I honestly cannot believe some of the disciplinary methods I hear about these days.

Like freaking hippy / free spirits that say “We don’t like using the word NO so we don’t”. So when little Jimmy is drawing on the walls we know he’s just trying to express himself and we shouldn’t stop him from doing that.”

What about when you need to discipline him?

“We like to let him decide on his own punishment that way he will choose a punishment that fits the crime”

For example?

“Well a few weeks ago we found him ripping up the plants in our marijua…I mean herb garden and so we asked him to punish himself” He had such bad munchies that he decided his punishment was to eat as much chocolate as he could.

Really? And that’s “punishment”?

“He was so sick the entire night. He was puking all over the house and I’m sure as he saw his mom and I on our hands and knees cleaning up all his chocolatey vomit he felt really bad. Which is why last week when he was ripping up the marijua… um Basil leaves again he didn’t eat as much chocolate as last time.”

I also don’t understand people that use the “naughty stool/time out/send you to your room” method

“Whenever little Billy misbehaves we just send him to his room because that sort of simulates what it’s like in the real world when criminals are sent to prison.”

Rrrrrrrright. Because in prison every cell has a Playstation 3, stacks of toys and a Spiderman bed spread.

Sorry but little Billy’s room is nothing like prison. First of all there’s no toilet in the corner of his room, there aren’t bars on the windows and in prison they don’t call you out of your cell after 30mins for pizza to chat about what you did.

If you want him to really feel what it’s like to be in prison, the least you could do would to get him a roommate called “Bubba” or “Stabby”.

Teach him to join a gang, carve a shank out of a toothbrush and smuggle cigarettes in his ass.

Maybe if that TV series “Prison Break” is anything to guy by you should tattoo the blueprints of the prison on his back.

But if you really want your child to know what it’s like in a South African prison and how to survive teach him to fake being sick

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There will always be a generation gap. It may be shrinking or growing depending on who you ask, but as long as parents are waiting for their twenties or thirties to have children there will always be a gap in understanding between generations. At this juncture I must give my kudos to all the teenage mom’s who are trying their best to shrink this gap. I salute you skanks!

With this generation gap comes not only a gap in age and understanding but what each generation relates to and as a result what they perceive as “cool”. All the fads, the bands, the movies and the catchphrases, the fashion, the technologies, the style icons and sex symbols, these all change with each subsequent generation and thankfully so. I don’t need my kids one day perving over a now 60 year old Pamela Anderson.

As part of this change in perspective often comes an inability to relate to our parents and what they thought was “cool” and no matter how hard they try our parents will never ever really “get it” when it comes to our tastes. All too often we hear the teen angst ridden cry of “MOM! You’re embarrassing me in front of my friends!” Usually after either trying to show affection; trying to join in on a teenage conversation about popular media or trying to explain why they’re still “cool”. Probably the worst, “uncoolest” thing you could ever do is try convince a child that you are cool – FYI.

I’m no parent and been embarrassed many times by my parents’ sincere attempts to get involved, but I must say that its time parents fought back. If they kept getting told that they are so embarrassing, its time they shared the favour with their insolent and unappreciative brats, perhaps in a way similar to the following:

“Oh I embarrass you do I? You know who should be embarrassed? Me! You used to piss yourself in public and I had to clean up after you. Remember when you threw up in the shopping mall when you were 5? You don’t think that was embarrassing? When you were born your penis was so small the doctor thought you were a girl. Then for years when we went to movies your choice of movie sucked! Ice Age? Toy Story? Yawn! And then to embarrass me further you started crying in Shrek because it was “too scary”.

Now you’re 14 and you’re still embarrassing. Your acne, your voice breaking and you still pee the bed. I get called in to the principal’s office because you’re failing your tests – then he shouts at me because you’re so stupid. You’re only 12? How can you fail English? You speak it every day and the books they require you to read don’t have words longer than 7 letters in them. And you think my music embarrasses you? You listen to Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers squeaking about true love at 16.
You’re embarrassing!”

Of course this may horribly scar your child psychologically and for the rest of their lives, so you would never do so because you love them so much (and psychologists are expensive) but it’s fun to think about doing it every once in a while.