So you survived another week with your tasty brains intact and are back for more information to prepare you for the impending outbreak of Zombiesm. Well unlike the grandmother who continuously gives you socks for your birthday, I’m not here to disappoint. Today I’d like to discuss some of the more famous survival tactics we’ve seen in movies and games.
The first tactic up for discussion is the stranded on a desert island debate. You’ve just crash landed on some strange tropical island do you a) do everything to get off the island or b) do you suck it up and come to terms with the fact that you’re now living on an island paradise and your boss will have to get someone else’s life to make a living hell.
Now unfortunately, unless you’re already living on an island paradise when the zombie apocalypse occurs the real situation is a little less appealing, but then again, what did you expect from a zombie apocalypse? Whether you decide to work on being rescued or on making yourself comfortable you’re still going to need a safe house of sorts.
The whole zombie apocalypse thing really does bring a new sense to the term “home sweet home” so it’s really in your best interest to make sure it’s a place worth spending most of your time in. Zombies are not known for their engineering ability, so you want to try and put that engineering degree to good use or at the very least all that time you played with Lego as a kid to design yourself a fortress to call home.
There is a lot of debate as to whether animals are a good idea to keep around. Would a dog serve as good warning system; able to sniff out undead rotting corpses and provide protection, or would they simply end up being a loud “survivor’s are here” announcement; an appetizer to a hungry zombie and then worst of all a bloodthirsty zombified dog afterwards or “zombog” (not sure if that is the technical term, but sounds pretty good to me – copyright in process).
With regard to weapons you’re going to want to stick to anything that allows you to keep your distance because like that awkward guy in the cue with halitosis and wearing a trench coat, zombies have some serious issues with “personal space”. While guns are probably your best bet here the obvious problem becomes getting these guns because if you don’t already have a personal arsenal (read aren’t a “redneck)” then you’ll have to be making your way to a guns and ammunition store which unfortunately has risks of its own.
You see what people tend to forget during the fury and festivities that comes from the end of the world, is that some things don’t change namely the fact that the most likely animal to kill a human being is in fact a human being and an even more likely type of human being to kill is one with a lot of guns, a fear of you wanting to take these guns and the lack of any kind of punishment for killing. Not that the courts would ever hear the matter, but I have to think the “he looked like a zombie to me” defence is going to be quite a common “get out of jail free card”.
Your best bet in a zombie apocalypse is really to do you and the world a favour and try to rebuild civilisation. So get all the necessary supplies: food, water and video games and try make a turn past a strip club or two and convince the ladies there to join you because not only will you need help in repopulating the earth, they stand no risk of attracting any zombies to your location with the smell of brains.
Good luck my tasty-brained reader