Dreams

a dream inside a dream inside a blog inside your computer

“Why sleep, when you can live your dreams?” – Advice from a sugar packet

I love sleeping – day; night; around it doesn’t matter. I love sleep not because I’m particularly lazy it’s just I am so freaking good at dreaming. I’d like to think my dreams make Tim Burton movies like Accounting Companies’ Orientation films (although I would really like to see him direct one of those).

I don’t know what it is that I like about dreaming the most, is it that fact that you can do it anywhere? – in bed, on the couch, while driving or at work. Is it the fact that it doesn’t cost anything? I guess it’s the fact that my dreams are just so much better than my waking life (well most of the time).

Some people and arrogantly rhetorical aforementioned sugar packets will tell you that sleeping is a waste of time and that instead of sleeping one should live or follow your dreams.

I hate it when people tell me to “follow my dreams” because I have some pretty freaky dreams. If I had to follow my dreams half the time I’d be naked covered in chocolate and M&M’s and the other times I’d be chased around by ex-girlfriends wielding chainsaws and riding a giant half shark, half tiger monster.

Luckily sometimes rational brain comes in to save the day and remind me that the chances of any of my ex-girlfriends being able to ride a giant half shark, half tiger monster are highly unlikely, but that the chainsaw bit is quite feasible. One can always count on rational brain to bring me back to reality, he’s kind of like that friend who reminds you at a party that what you’re about to do will get you in jail (whether you listen to him or not is another story though).

Rational brain can be a bit of a downer and has often ruined some of my best dreams. I remember once having had the most epic action hero type dream. I had beaten the odds; defeated the evil monocle wearing East European racial villain stereotype; saved the World from certain doom; rescued the virginal, but sexually provocative princess and had been rewarded by the president of the world with all the money (all of it). I then get home carrying my prizes with me, when I am greeted by my dog Jasper (names have been changed to protect the innocent) when all of a sudden rational brain steps in and says “that dog has been dead for 7 years” (49 dog years).

Noooooooooo! All of a sudden the entire dream starts crumbling as if a fatal error had occurred in the software and I am left poor; alone and awake. Damn you rational brain! Couldn’t you have let this one slide?

Sometimes when your dream is so intense and real, you actually speak out loud. I’ve been known to have entire conversations in my sleep. What I hate is when you speak and you actually wake yourself up. Once on the eve of my birthday as a kid I remember dreaming about receiving all my presents and I woke myself up saying “THANK YOU” out loud (at least I was well mannered).

Another time I was dreaming about something funny like Zebra on a unicycle (HAHAHA! Cracks me up every time), and I actually LOL’d (not the kind of LOL you type to someone in a message when actually all you did was KOLOTIBIWATF – Kind of laugh on the inside because it wasn’t actually that funny). I woke up from laughing, this woke my girlfriend too who asked what was so funny. It was at that point that I simultaneously realised that it was a) a dream b) going to be too difficult to explain the situation and c) I wanted to get straight back to the dream, so I simply said “Dreams” and rolled over and back to sleep. Of course she lay awake thinking she was dating a deranged lunatic, but I was back to sleep.

Just writing this blog makes me want to go back to sleep and I’m sure if you’ve been reading it you’re probably pretty sleepy too now. So to you fine reader, may all your dreams come true – especially the one with the threesome on the pile of money under the marshmallow fountain (that’s a common one, right?)